Neighborhood Association Tool Kit

Table of Contents | Section 1 | Section 2 | Section 3 | Section 4 | Section 5 | Section 6 | Section 7 | Section 9 | Section 10

Section 8 - Understanding and Managing Conflict

One of the primary benefits of forming a neighborhood association is the improvement in communication between neighbors. However, there will be times, in spite of our best efforts, when communication will break down, and a conflict will develop. A simple unresolved conflict can escalate and cause serious damage to relationships and to a neighborhood association, so it is very important that neighbors do their best to handle these situations constructively.

One of the biggest obstacles to managing conflict well is that most of us find conflict to be very uncomfortable. As a result, we either try to avoid dealing with it, or we approach the conflict as if we were going to battle, determined to "win" at any cost. There is, however, another approach to this common dilemma, one that accepts conflict as a normal aspect of any relationship or organization. Seen in this light, one can approach conflict resolution as an opportunity for growth, change, and new understandings. Consider using the following tips the next time you are faced with the challenge of effectively resolving a conflict:

• Talk directly. Direct conversation is much more effective than sending a letter, banging on the wall, throwing a rock or complaining to everyone else.
• Choose a good time. Try to talk in a quiet place where you can both be comfortable and undisturbed for as long as the discussion takes. Don’t approach the other person as he or she is leaving for work or after you’ve had a terrible day.
• Plan ahead. Plan out what you want to say ahead of time. State clearly what the problem is and how it affects you.
• Go in with an open mind. Be as ready to change as you would like others to be.
• Listen. Give the other person a chance to tell his or her side of the conflict completely. Relax and listen; try to learn how the other person feels.
• Give information. Don’t judge or interpret the other person’s behavior. Instead, give information about your own situation and feelings and how the person’s behavior affects you.
• Don’t blame or name call. Antagonizing the other person only makes it harder for her or him to hear you.
• Show that you are listening. Although you may not agree with what is being said, tell the other person that you hear her or him and are glad that you are discussing the problem together.
• Talk about issues —not people.
• Talk it all through. Get all the issues and feelings out into the open. Don’t leave out the part that seems too difficult to discuss.
• Focus on the desired result rather than rigid positions.
• Put yourself in the shoes of others. Try to solve a problem from their point of view.
• Work on a joint solution. Two or more people cooperating are much more effective than one person telling another to change. Be specific. "I will turn my music off at midnight" is better than "I won’t play loud music any more."
• Follow through. Agree to check with each other at specific times to make sure that the agreement is still working.

Source: The Community Board Program, San Francisco

Tip: In some circumstances, you may also wish to seek the assistance of a mediator. A mediator is a neutral third party who will listen to the issues and assist the neighbors in conflict to create their own mutually acceptable solution to the problem.

Six Steps of Problem-Solving

• Identify and define the problem.
• Gather information.
• Generate alternative solutions.
• Evaluate the alternative solutions.
• Make a decision and develop a plan of action.
• Follow up to evaluate the solution.